I never knew about that blog til today. But no one knows about where I'm coming from.
Forget it, its enough honestly it is. Everything has been said and done, accept what it is for what it is. No matter how much I fight it. I'll be okay, I promise myself it. I'll learn from my mistakes and know that next time I won't do it again. I had my wrongs, but I feel I've had my rights though also. I can't torture myself anymore with this. I need to see the bigger picture in my life. I know everything is going to be hard now but later on it'll become better, I promise.

I can say so much right now, but all I have to say is that this is the time I need to concentrate on myself, I need to catch up with me becoming the person I want to be. Everything is a learning experience and I know that I will become more understanding and have a better outcome with everything that I go through. I need to give my heart a rest for a while. I need to let it rest to figure out everything that is going on in my new life. This isn't the time to concentrate on a relationship now I realize. Love can wait. I just want you to know that even though I fell in love with you for a short period of time, I felt as if I loved you as if we known each other forever and I cannot get over the fact of how close we became. You became my bestfriend. And with all the things that happened regardless I still love you. I wish it wasn't the way it was but what can both of us do. I'm going to accept it and move forward and the future only yet has so many surprises for me, I'll take everyday as a precious moment that I will never forget. Just like with you. I love you and I hope everything will be better for you. I know it will.

Shoulda Let You Go -Keyshia Cole

"Throwback"

[Just Blaze]

Real talk. Usher, Just Blaze.

[Usher]

Oh!
Oh ho!
(Mmm you gonna want me back)
(The last words she said to me now I'm wishing she was still here wit me)
(You know your gonna need me)
And now that day's here, ya man gotta shed tears.
(Mmm you gonna want me back)

You never miss a good thing till it leaves ya
Finally I realized that I need ya
I want ya back
Baby girl I need ya back
Gotta have ya back, babe
Heartbroken when you left my world
Man I wish I woulda kept my girl
I love you
I don't know what I'm gon do without my baby

It's driving me crazy (It's driving me crazy)
'Cause I'm missing my baby (Missing my baby)
I'm goin' out of my mind and I'm runnin' out of time
Oh I just wish I could find you, girl
Said I'm about to go crazy (About to go crazy)
'Cause I been needin' you lately (Needing you lately)
I'm goin' outta my head and all the things that I said
I wish that I never said them now

Aww baby
What you say now?
(Your gonna want me back)
And still I want you, want you, want you, want you, want you
Need ya babe

If I could rewind the time
And get inside ya mind
I would take back all my words
I didn't see it, I couldn't see what I was doin' babe
See baby girl I was blind
And I wish that I could try
To be the man that you deserve
Give me one chance to make it work

It's driving me crazy (It's driving me crazy)
'Cause I'm missing my baby (Missing my baby)
I'm goin' outta my mind and I'm runnin' outta time
Oh I wish I could find you girl
Said I'm about to go crazy (About to go crazy)
'Cause I been needin' you lately (Needing you lately)
I'm goin' outta my head and all the things that I said
I wish that I never said them now

(Mmm you gonna want me back)
Wish I could throw it back
I want it the way it use to be
(Your gonna need me)
(Mmm your gonna want me back)

Give me one chance to make it work!

It's driving me crazy (It's driving me crazy)
'Cause I'm missing my baby (Missing my baby)
I'm goin' outta my mind and I'm runnin' outta time
Oh I wish I could find you girl
Said I'm about to go crazy (About to go crazy)
'Cause I been needin' you lately (Needing you lately)
The love of my life but I wasn't loving you right baby

It's driving me crazy (It's driving me crazy)
'Cause I'm missing my baby (Missing my baby)
I'm goin' outta my mind and I'm runnin' outta time
Oh I wish I could find you girl
So I'm about to go crazy (About to go crazy)
'Cause I been needin' you lately (Needing you lately)
I'm goin' outta my head and all the things that I said
I wish that I never said them now

(Mmm your gonna want me back)
It's the last words she said to me
Now I'm wishing she was still here wit me
(Your gonna need me, need me one day)
And that day's here
(Mmm your gonna want me back)
And ya man gotta shed tears
I'm sittin' by the phone
Realizing she ain't ever coming home.....

I love to just eat Nutella on a spoon, its so nummy. Plus I don't have food in my apartment. I like to write although I have really bad grammatical errors. I can take off my socks with my feet and ball it up. I love to watch Disney movies to bring back memories. I love to wear sweatpants any day, I would pick them over jeans any day. I love my sleep its amazing to me. I can be very lazy yet I'm determined to get what I want. I fall and trip ALOT in the most horrific ways in public. I'm very emotional I cry at anything, but hey I have feelings. I like to pluck eyebrows, its just my thing and I'm good at it. I love love love nail polish its a beautiful thing. I like a lot of vintage clothing but I tend not to wear anything I really want to wear. I dress simpler than I really want. I hate heels, they hurt my feet. I can make a popping sound with my right big toe. When I was younger I use to have a Cindy Crawford mole. I've always been a little chubby all my life, i want to change that though, I NEED MOTIVATION! and quick! I listen to old school music that is what real music is. I want to get my nose pierced, but I think I'll regret it in the future. I miss high school especially my Dance Contempo days :( I miss dancing in general, it made me so happy. I wish I could sing, omg that would be so amazing if I did! I like to wear big baggy clothes theyre comfortable. Urban Outfitters and American Apparel are my stores, too bad their so expensive. I wish I had naturally voluminous wavy hair.

I went to church. There was no mass going on it was just me. I sat there wanting to ask God questions. I wanted him to hear me listen to what I have to say. I sat there with so many thoughts running through my head about my past, my present and my future. Thinking why do these things happen? Sometimes I feel if I was punished. I'm a humble person and it kills me that I always get stepped on. There is no median. Its either I'm a push over or a bitch nothing else. I'm a bitch being pushed over. I told Him, I know I'm not right all the time, I have my faults and I have a lot, but I never take it the wrong way. I said that He is the only one who really knows what goes through my head, He is the only one that knows everything I go through and he is the only one who understands. Sometimes I wish He was just able to tell me what I'm doing wrong sometimes, I need guidance. I need guidance right now in my life, I've been in such a drastic change in my life that I'm not used to that I still don't know how to really handle yet, but I'm getting through it. I'm trying my best to see the outcome of it. Looking at what I'm doing now is going to help me later on.

In all honesty, I haven't been genuinely happy since I got here. It's hard to wake up in the morning really just feeling miserable. Though I feel like that I have to put a smile on my face to make myself feel everything is going to be okay, when really its not. All I do is wake up, go to school, go home, sleep, eat then homework and sleep again. I have no time for myself or even to have fun. I don't have close friends here to hang out with, to talk about my day with, to actually have a real conversation with and just laugh my ass off. I haven't had that ever since I been here. I haven't had any fun. Whenever I see a family or a bunch of friends hanging out, makes me miss people I used to be so close to. I have no one close here to physically be with me just to talk. I would give anything to just have someone close just grab some coffee and talk for hours about anything. Give me a break life, sometimes I just need to breathe and smile, not fake smile, a real one. I see myself in the mirror, my face looks tired, stressed, frustrated, not like what it use to be where I would be happy right when I wake up.

I'm different now, I guess I've matured? I can't act silly anymore, I can't be myself anymore, I don't even know who myself is anymore really. I've been so caught up with everything else that surrounds my life, but never took the chance to catch up with me. Who I am is so important to me, and I seem to deteriorate everyday forgetting who I am now. i just want to reflect on what I'm here for, why the people I love, love me back, why I laugh, why I smile, reasons why I care about people, seeing that things don't always go the way you want. I have so many questions and i want them to be answered. I lose people and I gain, what matters is that I somehow made a difference in each and everyone of them. All I can do now is just let my life take me where it wants to go, who it wants me to be and before I know it I'll be happy again soon.

I haven't really been able to play with my camera, but here are a couple pictures from it.